Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Homosexual Intimacy

So I know I've been a tad out of touch as of late, but my schedule has been jam packed with escuela. Anygay, I'm back now for all of those out there who have been ever so patiently checking your computer screens for my most recent post. That being said, I'd like to move on to this post's topic: intimacy. The more I experience the homosexual culture, via my experiences and those of my friends, the more I realize a fundamental imbalance in how gays relate to one another. To that end, I started thinking, "Why are we all so afraid of commitment and other things that come along with our desire for relationships?" I believe I may have come up with a quasi-answer. The first problem, I think, is the fact that we're both males. Now that being said, I don't think that two men being together in theory is a bad thing. However, when you add in the socialization of the Western culture which has an underlying message to young males that philandering and multiple partners is somewhat acceptable, it's a recipe for disaster. Take a straight male and a straight female, for example. The male is subliminally taught that experiencing his sexuality with the opposite sex is okay and he is rewarded, either by his father or his peers, when he "nails a chick". Conversely, a female is taught that she should protect herself from the promiscuous ways of men. If she acts any way similar to a male (i.e. multiple partners) she is demonized or in some way inferior by our culture's standards. Now take this simple principle and apply it to two men that try to have a successful relationship. Two men, both trained that monogamy is not a priority and that immediate gratification should be sought at all cost. This brings me to my second point.

Another "flaw" of homosexual relations is the almost universal fear of intimacy. While this feeling is not exclusively homosexual, it seems to be a rather dominant occurrence in the failure of relationships. When I started to realize this, I came across another cognizance. Maybe our fear of intimacy is derived from the fear that our acts of affection will be met with hostility. Our whole lives, we have been told that our affections are unnatural, corrupt and immoral. Skip to 20 years later when you're trying to have a successful relationship and suddenly you have some uncontrollable fear to be intimate with the same sex. I'm not saying that every gay couple has these issues or even that every couple that separates can trace the problem back to this premise. What I am saying is that it seems to be a valid pressure point in homosexual relationships. And suddenly, after contemplating these two ideas, I had a third one! Imagine that, three ideas at a time. Tis why I'm so tired. The third proposition is as follows.

A proposition I'd like to make to my gay brothers and sisters is to reject the parts of our society that inhibit us to have healthy relationships. We are constantly told that our relationships are inferior, that our love is unhealthy or wrong. We are also told that we should force ourselves into traditional gender roles even when we are in a homosexual relationship. That is why I get so perturbed when people ask me if I'm "the boy or the girl". It is so ingrained in our psyche that in order to have a loving, healthy relationship, we must mimic the heterosexuals. I propose that we create our own paradigm; that we shed the archaic structures that have subjugated us and have attempted to conform our love into something it is not. I have no desire to be a female. I have no desire to be what our society has deemed "male". I reject traditional gender roles and stereotypes and I chose to live in a way the feels natural to me. Now, don't get all hot and bothered because I used that infamous "choice" word. The truth be known, there are a lot of choices in our "lifestyle". The inclination to find attraction is NOT a choice. What you do with those natural inclinations is, however, a choice. That being said, I relish in the idea that one day, a person will have no need to declare their orientation. The idea that a person can date another person without any fear of retribution is rather idyllic. Until that day comes, I hope we can find solace in our relationships and show the people around us that love is love. It needs no other influence than itself. Sidenote: The five states that have gay marriage also have five of the lowest divorce rates. Don't take my word for it though, there's plenty of knowledge available through Google. I love you all. Remember, it's not about being right or convincing others to conform to your ways. Life is about learning to coexist and loving in the process. I'll leave you with a quote as I so often do, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -The Lovable, Dr. Suess.

Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. While male-dominant rampant sexual conquest seem a standard theme and default psychological and sociological starting point for such discussions, I prefer to entertain the notion that such behavior, while expected, is not necessarily the norm any more. Given the more-modern actuation of female rights, sexuality and independence, the traditional role of The Male Conqueror seems an antiquated, transitional notion. And, while I can’t argue that that archetype is still prevalent, that stereotypical caricature of bon vivant or mulleted male dominance is undergoing a radical r/evolution. As males seem still to be the hungry hounds of predatory human reproduction, that role is necessarily affected and filtered through their own personality, genetic predisposition, familial/social influences and other factors. So, I propose, “disgusting homosexuality” may be as much an outdated concept as “oversexed male.” It depends on the person; neither are all males overly sexually active nor predatory. Philandering may be as much correlated to point #2 than #1.

    I wholeheartedly, regretfully agree with point #2 and applaud you for connecting the dots. If a child is told they’re ugly their entire childhood, chances are that identity will become their adopted own. Bravo for pinpointing and shedding said imposed, impoverished, bankrupt “morality.”

    Thank you Theodore, for childlike simple truth:

    “A person’s a person no matter how small.”

    “Oh, the places you’ll go ... ”

    xoxoxo

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